Posted by: Ibrahim | 17/05/2010

The Post-Birthday World

Two days ago was my late brother’s birthday.  That what my sister told me. I told her, I knew. No, I didn’t remember people’s birthdays. I wouldn’t be knowing it either, if it wasn’ on Facebook’s  ‘events’. Yes, we didn’t delete his account.

He is 27 now. Or perhaps 28. But it didn’t matter really. He just wouldn’t get any older. He would be young, like the last time we saw him. And we didn’t really feel as if he’s dead.

Every time my sister-in-law posted our pictures with him, and tagged a wonderful poem about him, it appeared on his profile.  And it felt as if he’s alive. Well, in our heart of hearts, he is. Besides, there were always comments  from people, letting us know how wonderful he was.

It had been one year since the tragic accident. But I still couldn’t really reciprocate to the fact the he’s already gone for good. I did accept his death as fate. But I couldn’t really figure out where’s he right now, what he’s doing etc. I wanted to meet him once again. My friend told me that he’s watching from afar and we would meet one day. But  I just didn’t think about him that way anymore.  It made me weak. So, I chose to be indifferent.

However, occasionally some of his friends contacted me on facebook. Saying that I looked like a friend of them, without knowing that he was my brother. Worst, they didn’t even know about his death. So I had to explain everything all over again to them. And that made me bursted into tears every now and then.

Title and image courtesy of Lionel Shriver’s novel (2007)

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Responses

  1. You hang in there ok? Your family has been so strong, Im sure all of you will be ok. Lucky that we have Allah kan? Can always just send a doa whenever we remember those who are no longer with us. But like you said, he’s there. And he’ll always be with you, wherever you two may be. 🙂

    • Thank you Azie. Your remarks soothed my heart. I start to believe it’s just a trial, and all of us have to deal with it.. with suggestively an open heart.

  2. salam ib. al-Fatihah to your late brother. it’s been one year already. how time flies. know what, i still remember the day. We (the three hot stuffs at S17) teased you (like we always do) without knowing about the accident. and you just smiled back and i remember that you had a quiz that day too. only after i got back home that i knew about the incident and i thought “Ya Allah, i just went huhuhaha in front of you while you were strong enough not to let your emotion showed.” the truth is we felt guilty after that. anyways, may Allah give him keberkatan hereafter and give strength to you and your family for future undertakings. and all the best to you.

    ps: i’m sure your students will go gugugaga over you.
    pss: i’m gonna miss you, Ibrahim

    • Thanks for the love dear. I’m touched by your encouragements. I’ve to be strong for Mom, the way you guys have been strong for me. Thanks again, a zillion. Wouldn’t know what to do without you girls.

      Ps. Already miss you, Zila, and the way you laugh. It’s sweet and soothing. And the three of you will always be in memory.

  3. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

  4. I’ve always known him as a great person.

  5. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!


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