Posted by: Ibrahim | 11/05/2010

Letting Go

I was in dilemma. I didn’t know whether I should be packing all the immaterial memories together with my tangible stuff. To be honest, the former was heavier than the latter. If it was ever packed, it must take many super-sized luggage.

I didn’t have much clothes as most of my jeans and t-shirts are recycled. Not ‘recycled’ as if I took it from dustbin, mind you. I mean, I have two collared-shirts, 2 round neck shirts, 2 jeans, and 2 formal shirts which I used on daily basis in Shah Alam – for 2 years! I’ve never been spotted because I’m good at it (i.e. not using the same t-shirt continually.. different outfit for different day, morning class and evening class). Or people just don’t care. Not a model, anyways.

However, it’s different with the memories. Before I came here, I have planned what I wanted to achieve. Although most of my ‘wants’ were granted, I started to ponder that those unfulfilled dreams were due to Divine intervention. I might want those, but God knew I didn’t need them. So He disapproved it. Or it could be that I wasn’t trying enough – I just didn’t want to think about them, or the things that I lost along the way. Those things made me feel sad, humiliated and they triggered anger in me. But that’s totally a different story (let’s see whether I wanted to share it).

Here, in this so-called metropolitan city which was super damn hot, smokier than KL and didn’t have a cinema.. lay great people I’ve ever met. As one of my goals was to extend my social networking, I wanted to meet as many people as possible. Apart from friends that I met in Education Faculty Section 17, I tried to reach those who were in UiTM Main Camp, SS2. I joined Family in Islam, a club for my curriculum subject and later the Facilitator Course for Orientation Programme (MMS). When handling the programme, I also met some juniors who looked young, and naive. But they didn’t look as ugly and stupid as me when I was a junior.

Sometimes, when you found similarities between you and the other person, you have tendency to get close. Most probably, closer than anybody else. You shared stories, personal issues and conflicts because you knew that s/he has the ability to hear you, although you’re doubting about his/her empathy. Having someone who can see your non-verbal cues were also good enough for me, as people mostly didn’t notice my subtle messages. It was even a magic when s/he can see something beyond your physical attribution – reading your mind, as instance. There were times you were thinking about something, and s/he voiced the ideas at the same time! The same went to you, when you knew somebody that well, that everything s/he did was so predictable. No matter how much excuses given for the mistakes and weaknesses, you knew it was him/her – but you still forgive. because you accepted people for who they are.

Some people, you see, have great impact on you. Sometimes they didn’t even realised it that they were your world. Worst, they just didn’t care.. not even about your pure physical existence! Glad that at least I found people who noticed me, saw me through and still able to made me believe that they cared about me. The pains, the hurts, the joys, the deeds that the significant others ever shared with us were indeed such a great torment. Especially when you knew it’s something in the pasts and you were leaving. And you aren’t willing to life for yesterdays.

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Responses

  1. haha..like always…chicken soup for the soul.well, the most important thing is tht u have got wut u want.so just maintain it.thats it bro. u are not alone.frens come, and go…it’s a cycle. u hav got ur step on the right track, so keep on moving.

    • Hey, thanks Min. Your advices are leading my way still.. I couldn’t afford to mention everything ‘cuz it makes me sad thinking that I won’t have much brotherly advices anymore. Just pray that I don’t fall the trail! haha

      Thanks again bro for everything (what a cliche! so, let be specific. thanks for protecting me, advising me, treating me, refining me, humiliating me, brainwashing me!), if it’s destined, we’ll meet again one day. ♫…I’ll never be the same ♪ if we ever meet again..♬


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