Emancipate Me

My best good friend (BGF) once popped out a statement:

“I want to look macho, rather than cute.”

That, for me sounds like a declaration of ungratefulness.

In my first year degree, I’ve learnt in Counseling that humans perceive themselves in two ways: Actual-self and Ideal-self. The former is your real self and the latter is who you want to be.

The conflict arise when they’re not correlated. I have this issue.

For all my life people NEVER mistaken me for looking younger than my age. What I have, is to look older than my actual desirable age. And the ever grown moustache and beard make it even worse.

Some men would like to have hair on their face, though. A senior of mine said “If I’ve full beard like yours, I would let it grow.” I muttered that I would be happy if I could give it to him forever.

But I couldn’t, and these what I had to hear instead:

“It’s good that you bring your husband along.” was a very sharp remark given by my cousin’s friend. My cousin who was 10 years older than me only smirked at my discontentment.

“Are you sure you’re just 21st? You look much older.” was another comment I got from a new friend. I was about to ask “How old do you want me to be?” but couldn’t afford to hear the response.

And some people refused to be friend me at first place because I look fierce, serious and unfriendly. I just had no control over this matter. And I have to admit that I hate the way it is.

I wish to be cute – not the effeminate, but in childlike way.

I want people to see the child inside me (even at first sight)… my innocence, naïveté, sensitiveness, insecurities. And to treat me like one.

Am just a child trapped in an adult body!

Set me free, please.