Posted by: Ibrahim | 30/07/2009

Being Strong

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in, but I know It’s never really over.

-Kelly Clarkson, Sober

Completed an exam to a sobbing phone call from my sister,

“Ibrahim, I’ve something to tell you.

Bang Mad has gone. He’s gone.. forever.”

It left me stunned.

Gained my strength, went straight to get bus to KL Central.

In the bus, received phone calls from Mom at Kedah. But I screened her calls. All of them.

I could feel that she wanted to tell me about the news. I just didn’t know what to say.. to comfort her. If I answered her calls, am sure would end up weeping. I wished to be strong for her. And by that, I decided not to talk to her for a moment.

The two hours journey was filled with my reminiscences. I didn’t know why the memories with my 3rd Bro seemed to linger around lately, even before all this happened. Perhaps because I kind of missing him.. Haven’t seen him for months. Or maybe was too excited for his upcoming wedding day?

Out of many, there was one old nostalgia that I could recall vividly. When I was in standard 1, and he, 5, he used to cycle me to school. Not even a single complaint uttered although he could simply ask me to cycle myself.

There was once when my foot stuck in the back wheel. He was fast enough to stop the bicycle, and careful enough to remove my foot. Thinking about this, I smiled to my silly curiosity. I actually planned to see what would happen if I put my foot while the wheel was rotating. I was too young to understand about consequences.

Thinking about how determined he was to save me, am gratified. But it wasn’t the last time he shed me to tears.

Last year I had my dramatic performance. I invited my siblings who lived nearby. Everybody seemed busy, but him. He replied my SMS asking about details. He came that night with a lady.. that was supposed to be his wife. He could just simply go dating with her, instead of attending the boring theatrical. Yet, he came. And I could see him from the stage. Am proud, and am touched…

The bus finally arrived. I took Putra LRT to meet my sister. We went to Sg. Buloh Hospital together. In the car, I only kept to myself. Sis told me that she felt awfully sad during dawn. She didn’t know why and didn’t expect the tragedy to be the answer.

“How’s it happened?” I eventually asked her after a long silence.

“It was the accident.” answered my sister, briefly. I didn’t ask her further as I empathised with her in our grief. I could only imagine him involved in a car accident, as he has a turbo car. Yet I was in doubt, because I conditioned to know him as a careful driver. “By the way, Mom and Dad are coming.” said my sister before we enter the hospital main entrance.

“Bernama has reported the bus crash long time ago, yet it’s a wonder that police didn’t mind to call us at all!” a relative of mine greeted me in front of the autopsy room, and indirectly solve the puzzle. At that time post-mortem was being done. He continued,

“Be strong. This is all has been fated. Every soul shall taste death.” I feel like laughing, but I gave him a broad smile instead, for the cliché! I found it funny to be receiving the exact pattern of condolences over again.

I could see the BIG question mark on his face when I gave him the grin. Wasn’t I suppose to mourn? I gave him a lengthy explanation,

“Not that I didn’t appreciate your remarks, but I believe am a SOUL with a BODY. Am not dead yet. Mom is coming, and I don’t feel looking like a zombie. I’ve been starving all day long, and I would appreciate it if you could show me where the cafeteria is.”

Later in the evening, Mom turned up with Dad, 4th Bro and Auntie Long. Mom looked strong like always.

I held Mom’s hand tightly and led them to the room. They gave their last respect and my heart swelled with sadness once again. How do my parents remain patience, even after 26 years seeing him growing up and about to get married? How do they become so steadfast in their believe that God knows best? Especially in the moment like this..

Is that what we consider as an unconditional love?



  1. I’m sorry to hear about ur late brother.

    Allah lbh sygkn arwah.

    Stay strong bro..

  2. u’ll be stronger dear.

    may Allah bless him, you n d family.


    am here 🙂

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